Emotional Eating

Opinion

Most articles on this blog are summaries of research articles. Opinion pieces represent my opinion based on my experience on my own journey and from working with others.

Have you ever noticed that what is commonly referred to as “emotional eating” elicits shame? And the shame is associated with food? And shame is one of the very things that drives “emotional eating?” It’s a vicious cycle.

I want to offer a different lens you can use to look at “emotional eating”—one that takes the shame out of the equation and frees you up to use your I-SSEE skills.

Viewed through the I-SSEE model, “emotional eating” is a strategy to achieve goals such as:

Soothing yourself when you’re under stress or anxious
Calming yourself down when you’re angry
Intensifying happiness and social connections when you are celebrating.

Aren’t those all actually very good goals? (And did it surprise you that intensifying happiness and social connections was in the same category as soothing yourself when you’re anxious? That’s a clue that “emotional eating” is a term that is part of the bad/good, shaming mindset that is an obstacle to weight loss.)

Eating food as a way to modify your emotional state is a strategy even if you use it without deliberately thinking about it. It’s something that’s worked for you in the past, so it becomes your “go-to.” In fact, it may have become such an automatic strategy that your first cue that you are upset, angry, frustrated, sad, or excited may be when you notice that you are eating certain foods at a certain pace.

Consider the pros and cons of using food as a strategy to achieve admirable goals:

Pros

It is easy to do: you usually have the means to implement the strategy close at hand
You can do it mindlessly; you don’t have to think about it to implement it; it’s automatic
It can help you “check out” for a while to disengage from the situation prompting the emotion
It activates dopamine in your brain. Dopamine is a feel-better chemical.
It works quickly.

See? Using food to sooth or intensify emotions actually makes sense on many levels. You are using it as a strategy whether deliberately or mindlessly because you’ve found that it works –at least in the short-term– not because you “lack willpower” or other such label.

Cons

Done to excess, or done too frequently, it can interfere with your long-term goals for health
Its short-term effectiveness can function as a “band-aid” that may keep you from working on the problem that is resulting in negative emotions
Its short-term effectiveness can also prevent you from considering other strategies to achieve the reasonable goals you have to either moderate or intensify emotion.

Using the I-SSEE method

Once we’ve chosen to view consuming food as a reasonable strategy achieve certain goals, rather than a moral defect which elicits shame, we can use step 5 and evaluate how well it is working as a strategy and then revise our strategy as needed.

If we decide it isn’t working, we can identify other strategies that might be just as effective but without the disadvantages
We might also choose to keep the strategy of using food as one “tool in our toolkit” to soothe or to celebrate in certain circumstances in a modified way without feeling guilty. At the same time, we can add other “tools” so we don’t rely on it exclusively.

Part 1 is addressing the emotion you are attempting to affect by eating. Steps related to applying I-SSEE to emotions will be labeled Step 1a, 2a, etc.

Part 2 is addressing the situation that is generating the emotion. (The situation is often a problem to be solved, but not always.) Steps related to applying I-SSEE to an underlying problem will be labeled 1b, 2b, etc.

Step 1 Identify where you are now:

Identifying where you are now is usually a 1 step process, but for what is called emotional eating, it is a two part process:

Step 1a Identify the emotion you are attempting to modify by eating

What goal(s) you are seeking to accomplish by using food as a strategy : which emotions are you trying to help yourself with so you feel better?

Examples:

I use food as a strategy to help myself relax when I am anxious
I use food to help calm myself down when I am frustrated, irritated, or angry
I use food to comfort myself when I am sad or feeling bad about myself
I use food to intensify feelings of happiness or celebration
I use food as a strategy to relieve boredom

Step 1b Identify any problems that are the source of the emotions you listed in Step 1a

Examples:

I eat when I am worried about a deadline for something in school or at work
I eat when I get irritable from dealing with the caregiving demands of my children (aging parents, ill spouse) all day
I eat when I get frustrated when something not solely within my control is blocking me from getting a project done at work or school
I eat when I am sad about a loss of an important relationship
I eat when I am ashamed and sad from a sense of being “less than” possibly from old hurts or traumas
I eat more and different things when I am joyfully celebrating a special occasion
I eat more and differently when I am feeling happy to intensify the social connection with friends or family

Note: If you are having difficulty identifying the emotion that is triggering the “modify it with food” strategy, it may be that there is a long-term, underlying issue that you may need a professional to help you identify and sort out.

Step 2: Seek reliable information

You may well have the information you need within your own head or you may want to seek new information about:

Strategies other than food that can help you manage whatever emotions that you are currently managing with food
Strategies to address the situations that are the source of the emotions
People who could help you address the problems that are the source of the emotions

Note: If you realize that the underlying issue that is generating the emotion is a deep or underlying issue, the best sources of reliable information are likely to be articles in psychology or medical journals, or directly from a professional. Support groups can also offer good information, but you need to screen it for reliability.

Step 3: Set a SMART goal or goals

Examples of SMART goals related to using food as a strategy to help regulate emotion:

When I am feeling anxious, I will put on music I like and dance before I eat anything at least 4/7 days this week.
This week, whenever I feel “less than” I will write in my journal.
When I am angry, I will go clean something at least 75% of the time this month.
When I am out with friends, rather than using food to boost my sense of connection, I will focus on a people-oriented goal such as complimenting at least 2 people I am with. I will try this for one month.

Note: If you realize that the issue that is triggering the emotion is a long-term issue, a therapist can help you get to the point where you can set SMART goals.

Step 4a Experiment with strategies to manage emotions:

Examples of strategies to manage emotions:

Take a bath
Exercise (Exercise is a mood-booster. Experiment with whether easy-going, moderate, or hard exercise works best for the particular emotion you are addressing)
Call a friend or family member or visit in person
Clean something
Cuddle with your loved ones
Play with your pet
Go outside for a dose of nature
Play a Youtube video of nature sounds
Look at or listen to something beautiful
Use a breathing pattern to calm you down and relax you
Do something creative
Say a prayer or engage in another practice from your spiritual tradition
Write down what you’re grateful for
Write 1-3 sentences about what is bothering you. It can be on scrap paper you’ll throw away or in a journal
Listen to music (Helpful hint: You may want to experiment with starting with music that expresses your current mood and then adjust it to music that expresses the feeling you are looking for.)

Step 4b Experiment with strategies to address the situation that is causing the emotions

You will need to decide whether the situation that is causing the emotions is deep and ongoing or more practical:

1When the situation that is generating the emotion is a deep or ongoing problem

Issues such as difficulty in your marriage, past abuse, PTSD, or similar issues, are typically best addressed with professional help. Often you need help most in the very first step: Identifying what exactly you are feeling and why. Depending on the issue, you may choose to seek help from one or all of these sources:

Talking to wise friends
Making an appointment with a therapist
Talk ingto your spiritual counselor
Reading books, articles, etc. about the underlying issue
Joining a support group of people dealing with the same issue

2) When the situation that is generating the emotion is more practical

If the problem is one that is more practical, use your I-SSEE skills to Identify what the issue is:

Example 1:

You identify that procrastination is a source of your anxiety:

Seek information about different systems that could help you get things done in bite-sized chunks

Set SMART goals related to the tasks or projects you are procrastinating about

Experiment with strategies and systems to help you be proactive in tackling tasks

Evaluate your strategies and revise as needed

(Note: If you think you might have Attention Deficit Disorder, you may be using procrastination as a strategy to generate enough adrenaline to enable you to focus. It works! But other methods work better. Seek out medical help or read books on managing life specifically for people with ADHD.)

Example 2 :

You identify that you are getting irritable because your emotional resources are depleted because you are a caregiver to children or an aging parent or spouse:

Seek information about local support groups and/or people you could hire to come into the home to help

Set SMART goals such as “At least once per day, when I am feeling stressed, I will do relaxation breathing until I feel calmer”

Experiment with strategies: Consider learning relaxation strategies, delegating responsibilities, joining a support group, hiring outside help, etc.

Evaluate how well your strategies are working and revise as needed.

Using your I-SSEE strategies can help you discard the category of “emotional eating” with its attached shame for an approach that is more effective and feels more positive.