Why is identifying your most powerful motivations to change critical to resetting and renewing your health?
- The motivation for what you want most deeply involves longterm rewards.
- The habits you’re trying to change have immediate rewards.
- The competition between the motivations of longterm rewards for the things that matter to you most vs. the immediate rewards of the habits you’re trying to change creates internal ambivalence.
- You need to “tip” your internal ambivalence in favor of the longterm rewards in order to change
An example of internal ambivalence:
Reasons that favor the status quo
- I like the convenience of fast food and it’s yummy (convenience is an immediate reward so is salty, fatty food)
- My friends and I all like going out for pizza every Friday night. I know we eat and drink too much sometimes, but it’s fun! (The immediate payoffs: salty, fatty food; the relaxation from alcohol; the fun –and also pressure to conform– from being with friends. )
- I’m not sure I’ll like a new way of eating. (Why trade a sure thing for something I might not like?)
Reasons to change for the better
- I want to have more energy: I often feel bloated and sluggish
- My doctor told me that my cholesterol is high and to first try lifestyle changes . I don’t want to take meds if I don’t have to.
- I like the idea of a healthier me
So when you’re tired and hungry on the way home from work, which set of reasons is going to “win?”
It’s likely to be the immediate gratification of the fatty, salty food, the comforting feeling of biting into it, and the ease of not having to prepare something….
unless…
you have somehow made your reasons for change strong and weighty enough to beat the immediate reward. How do you do that?
To tip the balance of the ambivalence in the direction of the change that you’re seeking, you will need to use two steps in the I-SSEE method of self coaching :
1) Identify what those powerful motivations are for the longterm reward (Step 1 in I-SSEE). 3 methods are described below
2) Experiment with strategies (Step 4) that call those deep motivations to mind when you are experiencing ambivalence. You might combine those with strategies that increase the immediate reward of the new habit you want to cultivate. Strategies for boosting motivation
How can I identify my most powerful motivations to change?
Method #1: Asking yourself a series of questions:
To discover the most powerful, compelling reasons to change that exist deep inside of you, the ones strong enough to keep you focused on what you really truly want, not just what you want right now, you can ask yourself questions that will enable you to drill down to the deepest levels.
1.First, list the reasons that you want to change.
(I’ll use Reason #1 and Reason #3 from the list of “Reasons to change for the better” from the example about food choices above to demonstrate how a sequence of questions can take you deeper.)
2. Go through your list of reasons and for each one, ask yourself questions like these:
Why do I want ____?
Why is that important to me?
What do I envision my life will be like if I make this change?
- What specific things come to mind?
- What most appeals to me?
Reason #1 I want to have more energy.
Move deeper with question#1: Why do I want to have more energy?
One person might say:
I want more energy so I can play ball with the kids.
A different person might say:
“I want more energy so I can go on some adventurous vacations.”
Move even deeper with a follow up question: “Why is that (the answer you just gave yourself) important to me?”
One person might respond:
My relationship with my kids (or grandkids) is one of the most important things in my life. I want it to be the best relationship possible and to have really good memories of us together. (Ah! Now you’re hit really deep motivation!)
A different person’s answer might be:
“I want to feel like I’ve made the most of every minute of my life and not feel like I’ve let opportunities pass me by.” (Now you’re talking! You’ve hit a powerful motivator!)
Reason #3 : I like the idea of a “healthier me.”
When I envision a “healthier me” what specific things come to mind? What are all the things about “a healthier me” that are appealing?
“I think of it as full of life, vibrant, laughing, having fun, there’s nothing I can’t do. “ (You’ve tapped into another very deep level of motivation.)
See how that works? When you go really deep into the WHY of your desire to change, you make those reasons weightier. They need to be strong and weighty enough to outweigh all the reasons that you have for keeping things the same.
How does this work practically?
Let’s say you’re coming home from work and you’re tired.
You could stop for fast food simply because it’s convenient right now, even though you’ve decided it’s not the best choice given your goals. But you’re tired and hungry and… it’s fast!
If your only answer to “But the fast food is so convenient!” is “I’m tired anyway, I’ll eat healthier tomorrow”, convenience will win and things will stay the same.
But what if instead…
….you call to mind* the image of the energetic, vibrant, laughing healthier you hiking in the Rockies or making memories with your kids playing ball in the backyard …
when you call forth that deep level of motivation to compete with the immediate motivation of convenience….
then you’ve made it more likely that you’ll choose the option that will move your forward to your real goals.
Remembering WHY eating differently is actually very important to you may supply that extra bit of “oomph” that propels you to drive past the fast food and instead make a quick stop at the grocery store for a prepared meal that is in line with your goals and that you also enjoy. It might take just a little longer and require just a bit more energy, but you will you move forward to what you really want! (AND still get relatively fast, no prep time at home, and something you like eating.)
*Calling something to mind is a specific strategy but we often need something concrete to help us do it. You will likely need to spend some time on Step 4 of I-SSEE and experiment with various strategies to keep your deep motivations in the front of your mind. For instance, placing a photo that reminds you of your deepest motivations at a place where you are most likely to face the internal ambivalence is one possible strategy. If , as in this example, stopping for fast food was the habit, you might put that photo on the dashboard of your car.
Method #2 Journal about what you really want
There is no “right” way to journal, there is only the way that works best for you. Here are some suggestions to get you started:
Materials:
All you need is a notebook and a pen or pencil. (You can also journal on your computer, but because of there is a different connection of the brain to what you write with your hand than to what you type, handwriting may be more effective. But do what works best for you.) Your journal doesn’t have to be fancy; it can be a spiral notebook. On the other hand, you might want to keep a journal as a way to continue to document your journey to the life you want.
Journal in whatever way works for you. There are no “rules.”
Once you start to write, there are no “rules” about what you need to write or how much to write.
You can write in bullet points or complete paragraphs. You can write in stream-of-consciousness or follow a structure. It’s your journal! Do what works for you!
Getting started:
Here are a few prompts you might use:
- Describe the life you want to be living now… a year from now… 5 years from now… in your last decade of life
- Make a list of the things you value most. Then for each value, write the ways being healthy or unhealthy could affect how you live out that value in your life.
- Write your own “before” and “after “stories with the “after” story as you imagine it will be when you’ve made the health changes you choose
Method # 3 Make a vision board
If you are motivated by visual images, creating a vision board might be the best way to express your deepest motivations:
Gather some photos
Photos that capture your values and motivations:
Examples:
- If you are motivated by “being there” as the “best you can be” for family members, include some photos of family.
- If you are motivated by being able to make the most out of every minute of your life, find photos that show the kinds of experiences you’d like to have, places you’d like to visit, etc.
- If you are motivated by being able to live independently , include photos of your home, the activities you enjoy doing, and the people you enjoy being connected to
Photos that represent how you’re going to get there:
Examples:
Exercise is a key element in improving your health and ability to function over the course of a lifespan. Include photos of yourself engaged in some form of exercise you enjoy or you have enjoyed in the past, or photos of someone else doing a form of exercise that you intend to include. You could also include a photo of exercise equipment: special shoes, dumbbells, etc. Photos of exercise can be gleaned online or from health-oriented magazines.
Perhaps you intend to change your eating pattern. You could include photos of a meal you’ve prepared that fits your new eating pattern, or get a photo from online or a magazine.
Maybe you need to work on sleep: A photo of your own bed made up in an appealing way would work well. Or maybe you want to include a photo of something you’ve decided to purchase to help your sleep: room darkening blinds or curtains, for instance.
Do you intend to take better care of your medical needs? A photo of a blood pressure monitor, a photo of your physician (these are often available online), etc. may suit.
Add key words, phrases, quotations:
1.Words, phrases, or quotations that capture your deepest WHY work well.
“Family” or “Adventure” or “Independence”
2.Affirmations: Affirmations are phrases that work to repeat to yourself to help change your inner dialogue.
You can use a quote or write your own:
“Yes, I can!” ” I can and I will! ” “I will treat myself with respect.”
3.Motivational phrases:
“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” — Stephen Covey
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” – Chinese Proverb
“…though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again” Prov 24:16 (This is one that inspired me. Falling on the path happens to the best of us; the key is getting up and back on the path)
“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Thomas Edison
“Life is like a bicycle: to keep your balance, you must keep moving.” Albert Einstein
“This a a wonderful day. I’ve never seen this one before.” Maya Angelou
“Plan your work for today and every day, then work your plan.” Margaret Thatcher
