DRAFT
Opinion
Most articles on this blog are summaries of research articles. Opinion pieces represent my opinion based on my experience on my own journey and from working with others.
Have you ever noticed that what is commonly referred to as “emotional eating” elicits shame? And the shame is associated with food? And shame is one of the very things that drives “emotional eating?” It’s a vicious cycle.
I want to offer a different lens you can use to look at “emotional eating”—one that takes the shame out of the equation and frees you up to use your I-SSEE skills.
Viewed through the I-SSEE model, “emotional eating” is a strategy to achieve goals such as:
- Soothing yourself when you’re under stress or anxious
- Calming yourself down when you’re angry
- Intensifying happiness and social connections when you are celebrating.
Aren’t those all actually very good goals? (And did it surprise you that intensifying happiness and social connections was in the same category as soothing yourself when you’re anxious? That’s a clue that “emotional eating” is a term that is part of the bad/good, shaming mindset that is an obstacle to weight loss.)
Eating food as a way to modify your emotional state is a strategy even if you use it without deliberately thinking about it. It’s something that’s worked for you in the past, so it becomes your “go-to.” In fact, it may have become such an automatic strategy that your first cue that you are upset, angry, frustrated, sad, or excited may be when you notice that you are eating certain foods at a certain pace.
Consider the pros and cons of using food as a strategy to achieve admirable goals:
Pros
- It is easy to do: you usually have the means to implement the strategy close at hand
- You can do it mindlessly; you don’t have to think about it to implement it; it’s automatic
- It can help you “check out” for a while to disengage from the situation prompting the emotion
- It activates dopamine in your brain. Dopamine is a feel-better chemical.
- It works quickly.
See? Using food to sooth or intensify emotions actually makes sense on many levels. You are using it as a strategy whether deliberately or mindlessly because you’ve found that it works –at least in the short-term, not because you “lack willpower” or other such label.
Cons
- Done to excess, or done too frequently, it can interfere with your long-term goals for health
- Its short-term effectiveness can function as a “band-aid” that may keep you from working on the problem that is generating negative emotions
- Its short-term effectiveness can also prevent you from considering other strategies to achieve the r goals you have to moderate or intensify emotion.
Using the I-SSEE method
Once we’ve chosen to view consuming food as a reasonable strategy achieve certain goals– rather than a moral defect which elicits shame– we can use step 5 of I-SSEE and evaluate how well it is working as a strategy and then revise our strategy as needed.
- If we decide it isn’t working, we can identify other strategies that might be just as effective but without the disadvantages
- We might also choose to keep the strategy of using food as one “tool in our toolkit” to soothe or to celebrate in certain circumstances in a modified way without feeling guilty. At the same time, we can add other “tools” so we don’t rely on it exclusively.
To effectively address we need to consider the full picture :
Situation, Issue, or Problem> Emotion> Strategy.
This will require a 2 part I -SSEE process.
Part 1 of the I-SSEE process will address the emotion
Part 2 of the I-SSEE process will address the situation or problem resulting in the emotion
PART 1 of I-SSEE: Addressing the emotion
Step 1 Identify the emotion you are attempting to modify by eating
What goal you are seeking to accomplish by using food as a strategy : which emotions are you trying to help yourself with so you feel better? Several may apply. Work the I-SSEE model with each of them.
Examples:
- I use food as a strategy to help myself relax when I am anxious
- I use food to help calm myself down when I am frustrated, irritated, or angry
- I use food to comfort myself when I am sad or feeling bad about myself
- I use food to intensify feelings of happiness or celebration
- I use food as a strategy to relieve boredom
Note: If you are having difficulty identifying the emotion that is triggering the “modify it with food” strategy, it may be that there is a long-term, underlying issue that you may need a professional to help you identify and sort out.
Step 2: Seek reliable information
You may well have the information you need within your own head or you may want to seek new information about other strategies that can help you manage the specific emotions that you are currently managing with food
Step 3: Set a SMART goal or goals
Examples of SMART goals related to using food as a strategy to help regulate emotion:
- When I am feeling anxious, I will put on music I like and dance before I eat anything at least 4/7 days this week.
- This week, whenever I feel “less than” I will write in my journal.
- When I am angry, I will go clean something at least 75% of the time this month.
- When I am out with friends, rather than using food to boost my sense of connection, I will focus on a people-oriented goal such as complimenting at least 2 people I am with. I will try this for one month.
Step 4 Experiment with strategies to manage emotions:
Examples of strategies to manage emotions:
- Take a bath
- Exercise (Exercise is a mood-booster. Experiment with whether easy-going, moderate, or hard exercise works best for the particular emotion you are addressing)
- Call a friend or family member or visit in person
- Clean something
- Cuddle with a loved one
- Play with or cuddle with your pet
- Go outside for a dose of nature
- Play a Youtube video of nature sounds
- Look at or listen to something beautiful
- Use a breathing pattern to calm you down and relax you
- Do something creative
- Say a prayer or engage in another practice from your spiritual tradition
- Write down what you’re grateful for
- Write 1-3 sentences about what is bothering you. It can be on scrap paper you’ll throw away or in a journal
- Listen to music (Helpful hint: You may want to experiment with starting with music that expresses your current mood and then adjust it to music that expresses the feeling you are looking for.)
Step 5 Evaluate and revise strategies as necessary
Did your new strategy work? If not, revise.
PART 2 : Addressing the situation, issue, or problem that is causing the emotion
Step 1 Identify the situations, issue, or problems that are the source of the emotions you listed in Part 1. Situation, Issue, or Problem>Emotion>Strategy
Examples:
- I eat when I am worried about a deadline for something in school or at work
- I eat when I get irritable from dealing with the caregiving demands of my children (aging parents, ill spouse) all day
- I eat when I get frustrated when something not solely within my control is blocking me from getting a project done at work or school
- I eat when I am sad about a loss of an important relationship
- I eat when I am ashamed and sad from a sense of being “less than” possibly from old hurts or traumas
- I eat more and different things when I am joyfully celebrating a special occasion
- I eat more and differently when I am feeling happy to intensify the social connection with friends or family
Note: Sometimes you will realize that underlying issue that is causing the emotion is deep and ongoing such as past abuse or trauma, difficulty in your marriage, PTSD, etc. If that is the case, because those issues tend to be complex, it can be difficult to even identify the whole issue without professional help.
Step 2 : Seek reliable information about the situation, issue, or problem
If you realize that the underlying issue that is generating the emotion is a deep or underlying issue, the best sources of reliable information are likely to be articles in psychology or medical journals, or directly from a professional. Support groups can also offer good information, but you need to screen it for reliability.
If the situation is more practical, once you identify it, you can do a search for that particular topic to look for information.
Step 3 Set Smart Goals
Situation: co-workers constantly interrupt you at work with questions and that delays your progress on a project
SMART goal: I will create a laminated sign to hang outside my office or cubicle that says: “Please do not disturb. Please email questions and I will answer them between ______ and _____. ” I will use a dry erase marker to fill in the time. I will try this for 2 weeks.
Situation: My house is cluttered and it causes me to be anxious.
SMART goal: I will set a timer for 10 minutes and declutter one area of the house. I will do this 3x a day for a week.
Step 4 Experiment with strategies to address the situation, issue, or problem causing the emotion
When the situation that is generating the emotion is a deep or ongoing problem, strategies might include:
- Talking to wise friends
- Making an appointment with a therapist
- Talking to your spiritual counselor
- Reading books, articles, etc. about the underlying issue
- Joining a support group of people dealing with the same issue
2) When the situation that is generating the emotion is more practical, use your I-SSEE skills
Example 1
You identify that procrastination is a source of your anxiety:
Seek reliable information about different systems that could help you get things done in bite-sized chunks
Set SMART goals related to the tasks or projects you are procrastinating about Example: I will write the introduction by Monday at 5:00 p.m.
Experiment with strategies and systems to help you be proactive in tackling tasks. Example: I will break the tasks into do-able pieces. After I am done each piece, I will reward myself with _____ (something other than food!)
Evaluate your strategies and revise as needed
(Note: If you think you might have Attention Deficit Disorder, you may be using procrastination as a strategy to generate enough adrenaline to enable you to focus. It works! But other methods work better. Seek out medical help or read books on managing life specifically for people with ADHD.)
Example 2 :
You identify that you are getting irritable because your emotional resources are depleted because you are a caregiver to children or an aging parent or spouse:
Seek information about local support groups and/or people you could hire to come into the home to help
Set SMART goals such as “At least once per day, when I am feeling stressed, I will do relaxation breathing until I feel calmer”
Experiment with strategies: Consider learning relaxation strategies, delegating responsibilities, joining a support group, hiring outside help, etc.
Evaluate how well your strategies are working and revise as needed.
Using your I-SSEE strategies can help you discard the category of “emotional eating” with its attached shame for an approach that is more effect
