Step 1: Identify where you are now & your deepest reasons for change

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The first step in self-coaching is to identify:

Your overall goals: What do you want your life to be like?
What makes you reluctant to change? Face the anticipated losses and fears realistically.
Why do you want to change? What are the deepest reasons you want to change? What do you value most? This step is what will keep you going long-term.
What are your strengths & resources?
Where is your “starting line”?
How would you rate your readiness to change?

Step 1 :Identify is the step that requires the most time and reflection initially, but it is well worth the effort. It’s the foundation of all the other steps. And though your answers may change to some extent in the “Identify” stage as you move from one category of health change to another (e.g. from fitness to sleep), much of it will stay the same. So don’t worry that you’ll get bogged down. Once you’ve done this step for a given area, you are pretty much “good to go.”

1. Identify your overall goals

Your overall goals will be broad and encompass what you want your life to be like. Examples:

I want to feel good and be able to do all the activities I want to do, even vigorous ones!
I want to get fit.
I want to live independently for as long as possible as I get older.
I want to have more energy.
I want to set a good example of healthy living for my children or grandchildren.

In step 3 of the I-SSEE method, you will refine these into “SMART” goals.

2. Identify what makes you reluctant to change

You will set yourself up for the best chance of success if you understand this reality: change is always accompanied by ambivalence. Part of you wants to change, but another part of you likes things the way they are!

That is normal. Think of an old-fashioned scale: On one side are all the reasons you want things to stay the same. You are getting something out of what you’re doing now or you wouldn’t still be doing it. You may be getting potent rewards: immediate and pleasurable. Or you may be avoiding something you perceive will be unpleasant.

Two factors that make items on the “stay the same” side of the scale weigh more are: habits and immediate rewards. Following paths (habits) that are well worn is simply easier. You don’t have to cut a new path forward, you already know the way, and you don’t have to think about it. And most of the things we do habitually have a pay off in the form of an immediate reward. You feel an immediate sense of relaxation when you take the first drag on your cigarette or stopping at a fast food restaurant on your way home satisfies your hunger faster than driving home to put dinner in the oven. (Hint: When we get to setting SMART goals, some of your goals will be giving yourself alternate ways to get the same rewards.)

On the other side of the scale are all the reasons you want to change. You have to first take into account what you fear about changing, and what you are afraid of losing before you can compare that to what you think you can gain by changing. But it is thinking deeply about what you could gain by changing that will tip the scale.

Often our reluctance about change involves loss or fear:

It could be loss of identity: you’ve always been tagged as the “Bookworm” and have a hard time seeing yourself as someone who can be fit and strong.
It could be loss of another attribute: You’re afraid that if you stop smoking, you’ll gain weight.
It could be fear that your social relationships will be impacted: how will your friends and family react to your desire to make a change in your health? Will you still fit in?
You may fear you will have have a loss of some pleasure: “me time” playing videogames late into the night, eating favorite foods, or the stress relief you get from smoking.
You may fear people making fun of you if you start to go to the gym.
There is a paradoxical kind fear that can come into play as well. Let’s say that your parent died of a heart attack at an early age. You may fear that outcome for yourself so much that you avoid thinking about it. Planning for changes that may reduce your risk may raise that fear, even though you know they will also give you the best chance of avoiding that for yourself.

Be honest with yourself and list the reasons you don’t want to change.

After you make your list, evaluate your fears and anticipated losses:

Ask yourself: Are the fears I have about change realistic?

If they are realistic, how great of an impact will it make on your life if you decide to move forward with change? You might assign each a number between 0 and 10 in which 0 is no impact at all and 10 is catastrophic impact.

You might find that when you really think about it, some things actually wouldn’t bother you all that much.

For things that do bother you, ask yourself if there might be a way to modify things to lessen the impact. What level of impact on a scale of 0 to 10 are you willing to accept?

Facing the potential losses and assessing the reality of their impact is an important step toward change! If you don’t face them now, they will certainly ambush you at some point in your journey toward health and try to drag you back to your old paths! Better to be prepared by facing them ahead of time.

3. Identify your deepest reasons for change: This is where you will find the motivation for lasting change!

Now, it’s time to explore the other side of the scale: what are all the things you will gain if you make the changes you have in mind?

****What determines whether you will be able to successfully change?* If there is a “secret” it is this: when you come to the point of making a choice in your daily life between old habits and what you would like for your future, the choice that will win is the one that carries the strongest motivation in that moment. *Therefore, t****he key to making a successful change is to make sure your reasons for change outweigh your reasons to stay the same.* *****

Your reasons for maintaining the status quo often involve an immediate payoff or reward. That immediacy is tough to compete with.

That’s why you will need to dive deep into your values to find the things that motivate you most deeply. Many people call that “Finding your WHY.”

Many of your deepest reasons for change will involve:

Relationships with people who are important to you
Fulfilling a dream you’ve had for the kind of life you want to live.
Deeply grasping what a precious resource your health is, often after a health scare for you or a member of your family or as you age

Tools you can use to help dig deep:

Journal about what you want your life to be like
Journal about the change you wish to make
Create a vision board (link not yet activated)
As soon as you identify one reason you want to change, ask yourself a series of questions until you get to the really deep levels of your “WHY.” Try some of these questions:

“What about this is important to me?”
“How do I envision my life being different if I make this change (think physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, etc.)? “
“Why is this important to me?” or “Why do I think my life will be different?” (you can keep asking “Why?” until you hit motivation gold!)

For ways to get to those deeper reasons click here. (Link not ready yet)

4. Identify your strengths & resources:

Too often we focus on our weaknesses, but it’s your strengths that will pull you through! Choosing strategies that rely on your strengths will increase your likelihood of achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself:

What are your strengths as a person?

If you have a hard time identifying your own strengths, ask some family or friends who know you well. (Don’t ask people who focus on the weaknesses of others. Ask those who see strengths and assets, not flaws.)

What external resources are available to you? Your strengths as a person are internal strengths, but the resources available to you are external strengths that can be put to use in achieving your health goals. Resources could include a supportive friend or family member, access to a farmer’s market and affordable groceries, access to medical care, parks and greenways in your community, money for a gym or fitness equipment, a safe neighborhood to walk in, local Parks and Recreation programs, local senior center, etc. We don’t all have the same access to resources, but look for what you *do* have.

5. Identify your starting line:

This step is pretty straightforward. Being honest with yourself isn’t always so easy, but it’s important. Wherever possible, describe your starting line in measurable terms:

I am not getting to sleep until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning because I am playing video games. That gives me about 4 1/2 to 5 1/2 hours of sleep at night.
I walk 3 or 4 times per week for about 20 minutes. Other than that and some light housework, I am pretty sedentary.
On a scale of 0-5, I would rate my energy level between 1-2 on most days.

Better yet, begin tracking, a strategy you will make use of in Step 4. Examples of tracking:

Record the time you turn out the lights at night, and the time you wake up each morning for 3 days and record the hours you actually slept.
Keep a journal for 3 days of when you feel stressed and when you feel relaxed.
Get a wearable step counter or get an app on your phone. Record the number of steps you take for 3 days. (Hint: to get the best baseline, don’t look at the totals until the end of the day.)
Keep track how often you connect with other people whose company you enjoy (phone calls, in person, etc.)

6. Identify how ready you are to make changes to achieve the goal you have in mind

Interestingly, people are actually pretty good at gauging how ready they are to change. For each goal, you can use a simple scale of 0-5 and ask yourself which number best reflects your readiness to change:

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0 1 2 3 4 5

Not at all ready I am totally ready

How ready are you to at least start to think about changing so that you can reach the goals you have?
How ready are you to take a few small baby steps toward changing so that you can reach the goals you have?
How ready are you to make at least one significant change in order to reach the goals you have?

You are not stuck with your current level of readiness. You can nudge yourself forward.

Let’s say you’ve given yourself a 5 for willingness to think about changing your sleep habits .You can begin to expand your “thinking about changing” by reading articles about improving sleep, watching TED talks about the benefits of sleep, etc. Immerse yourself in thinking about your goal. This in itself will be a step toward change.
Perhaps you’ve already been thinking about changing, but you gave yourself a “3” for your readiness to take some baby steps. You can ask yourself, “What would it take for me to feel like I was at a 4?”
You can actively compare your most powerful reasons for change with the reasons you are reluctant to change. What do truly want most? Is it possible to proceed in a way that minimizes your fears or concerns about loss?
Perhaps there is one thing that you are most reluctant to let go of. Would you be willing to take a step toward change that didn’t involve that one thing? Examples: If you want to improve your nutrition or to lose weight, but you really want to continue pizza and beer on Friday night with your friends, would you be willing to do something else such as increase the number of vegetables you eat per day? Or if you want a better night’s sleep, but don’t want to give up your electronics at night, would you be willing to take another step such as exposing yourself to natural light first thing in the morning?

Pulling it all together: Examples

Example 1:

Overall goal: I need more sleep.
Deepest reason: I want to have more energy during the day. I’m tired of being tired! I would interact more with my kids if I weren’t so tired all the time.
Starting line: I surf the internet until 1:00 a.m. then take about ½ hour to fall asleep. If I have things on my mind, it takes even longer. I have to get up for work at 7:00 a.m. so I am getting about 5 ½ hours of sleep per night.
How ready am I to change?
I’d give myself a 5 in being willing to think about changing, but only a 3 in being willing to take a baby step or two.

Example 2

Overall goal: My doctor told me I need to lose weight for the sake of my health
Deepest motivation: I want to have the energy to work hard during the week and have adventures on weekends because I want to make the very most of every minute I have!
Starting line: If you give yourself several data points for your starting line, you are giving yourself more ways to track and celebrate progress! Consider starting points such as your weight, waist measurement, blood pressure, cholesterol, and a 3 day log of your mood, energy level and/or what you are typically eating now. (You’ll naturally modify your eating some when you write it down, but you could write down what you “would have” eaten had you not been officially logging it!)
How ready am I to change? I have been thinking about this a long time already. I would rate myself a 4 as being ready to take some baby steps.

Example 3

Overall goal: I want to be fit.
Deepest motivation: I want to have the energy to really play with my kids (or grandkids) and I want to set a good example for them so that they develop a lifestyle of fitness.
Starting line: I mostly sit all day, but I do take a 20 min. walk after dinner on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights.
Readiness to change: I’ve already been thinking about it and taking the baby steps of walking on the weekend. I’d give myself a 5 for being willing to add another 20 min walk a week until I walk at least 5 times per week.

Return to Introduction to Self-Coaching

Go to Step 2: Seek reliable information